Is Your Confidence Based on Internal or External Validation?
Updated: Jul 12, 2021
Where your confidence come from is important and can make a big difference in terms of how you feel about yourself in the long term. Some of us base our confidence on external factors including praise and compliments from others. When working with my clients, we shift from needing external validation to having internal confidence. This is confidence coming from you, meaning that deep down you like who you are, you approve or accept how you look etc.
You might think but external validation helps you feel good and I’m not arguing that. The point I am make is that external validation can change all the time. While some may do certain things such as dressing up to gain a compliment, we are not in control of when someone will choose to praise us. The even more scary thing is that everything can change overnight if we base our confidence on external factors. We can go from feeling awesome and confident to feeling like a looser the next day.
In contrast, the beauty of feeling confident on the inside is that it also really shifts many things for us in the positive direction. I’m talking about various areas of life including career, relationships, health and fitness. For myself, despite having obtained excellent training, and mastering powerful techniques, I lacked confidence in terms of my getting consistent results for my clients. A big shift happened once I got clear about the value I provide and once I started believing that I could make a difference. As soon as that was embedded internally, I attracted more clients and was getting consistent results with all of them!
To give you some tips on how to boost this inner confidence I recommend focusing on your morals and values. For example, let’s say you’re out eating dinner with a friend and this friend is rude to the waiter. Instead of staying quiet even though this bothers you, since it is not aligned with your values, I would ask you to speak up in a kind way. There is no need to be harsh, but you can say that it made you feel uncomfortable etc. While at first your friend will most likely be upset with you, in the long run this friend will likely respect you more. We teach others how to treat us. And so, if we stay quiet in situations that make us uncomfortable, we are sending the message, that we will tolerate what you will do.
Getting clear and speaking up when it comes to your values and morals is one way to slowly build your confidence. Check in with what’s important to you, hold your ground and speak up when something is outside of this. If you are unsure about your values, think about something someone did that you don’t approve of, and think how you would do it differently. This does not mean that you should be judgy about it, rather it should help you get clear about your morals and values. For help with becoming confident internally, schedule your free Intake session with me today.